I felt like a tortured failure.

I felt like a tortured failure.

(an excerpt from Leah’s book Freedom From Fibromyalgia:7 Steps to Complete Recovery)

I couldn’t be any kind of wife to my husband and he was working two jobs to support us.  I couldn’t have children either.  At my lowest point I was on the bed crying my eyes out.  The bed was shaking so bad it started to give me motion sickness.  I had to move to the floor and that is where my husband found me.  Laying on the floor, crying my eyes out and just wanting this to end!  This disease affects families too.  My husband was in pain because the love of his life was suffering and there was nothing he could do to help.

Due to the fact that we lost half our income overnight and because of all the bills and expenses, for a time we went into debt.  I spent thousands of dollars trying all kinds of conventional and alternative treatments.  While sometimes they helped a little, like massage and chiropractic, for the most part, none of them worked.

By the time my 40th birthday came around I had been so miserable for so long I did not want to live anymore.  I asked for God to take me or heal me.  I didn’t really want to die, I just wanted to be out of pain and able to do things. Since I couldn’t “do” anything but lay in bed, I decided to spend my time praying and meditating.  I was inspired by my German “oma.”  She was 90 years old, could barely see or hear but she felt like she made important contributions to the family and the universe through her prayers.

One day I was in such a great amount of pain and so desperate for relief that I decided to pray to Jesus.  What did I have to lose?  I was never particularly religious or even spiritual, but at that moment I was in so much pain, that I was willing to try anything.  Anyway, I don’t know where the idea came from, but I asked Jesus to pour cool water on my upper back, where I felt the most burning pain.  In my mind’s eye I saw Him and he had a very interesting urn with a lid.  I have probably seen an urn like that before, but honestly, I don’t remember ever having seen one like that before.  (Years later, I saw some Middle Eastern women gathered in the park in the evening and they had urns just like that!)  He poured water from the urn onto my upper back, and I actually felt a cooling sensation in that area.  I was astounded!  To this day, I still cannot fully explain what happened, but I know for sure that Jesus is my friend and He lives!

Even though I had virtually no hope that my life could improve, I decided to start visualizing myself being healthy and well.  Every disease has had people cured of it, so why not fibromyalgia and why not me?  I started thinking and saying if there is a cure I will find it.  I feel that the prayers, the visualizations/affirmations, and God’s grace led me to the people who could help me. I didn’t want to let me feelings of failure take over. Maybe this is happening right now to you too!

Within a few months I met a holistic practitioner, Victoria Smith (www.SignificantHealing.com), who said something very different to me.  She claimed she used to have fibromyalgia and she is now well.  I was very interested in what she told me!  Basically, she recommended that I do a very easy detoxification and use a probiotic supplement.  I had tried these things before, but she assured me that the products she used were different.  And were they ever!

With these two products I was able to make a “quantum leap” towards wellness and then I was able to do the other things to become completely recovered.

Within three weeks of taking her products I thought I was cured!  I wasn’t and I had a long way to go, but that tells you how dramatically better I felt.  As I felt better I was able to do some other things and in about 3 months I was off half of my prescriptions and in 7 months I was off all prescriptions!  I didn’t have to take anything for pain because I didn’t have anymore pain!  I was able to start cooking, working part time and exercising, like running and horseback riding.  I was able to lose weight and I lost 70 pounds in about ten months.  I was a new person!  On my 40th birthday I wanted God to take me home but for my 41st birthday I had a party! After years of feeling like a failure, I had gotten my life back, and I felt better than I did before I got sick.

If that was the end of the story, it would definitely be a happy ending, but there is more.  After about 10 months of detoxing, supplementing with the probiotic, eating well, losing weight, exercising, and the other things I did, I got the biggest news of my life:  I found out I was pregnant!  Nine months later I gave birth to a beautiful, perfectly healthy baby boy.  And, of course, he continues to be the joy of my life.  Everyone, including and especially me, considers him a miracle and blessing.

I felt like a tortured failure failure I felt like a tortured failure. leah

Leah, “After” in 2008

As of this writing I have been recovered for about 5 years, so I know it is permanent.  In that time I have not been eligible to receive the diagnosis of fibromyalgia by a medical doctor.   The only prescription medication I have been on in that time was what I was given in the hospital for the birth of my son.  I continue to do the things that made me well and I continue to feel great, not like a failure.

Now I have no pain in my body, except for an occasional injury, but it is usually no big deal (instead of sidelining me for weeks).  I sleep at night and wake up feeling rested.  I generally have enough energy to do all the things I want to do (like running around after a 4 year old!).  My mood is generally happy.  I live like a normal person now, but I believe better than most “normal” people.

If you would like to discover how you can lead a better-than-normal life, and stop feeling like a failure, you can purchase the book Freedom From Fibromyalgia: 7 Steps to Complete Recovery  here.

Carl, Mack and Leah McCullough with our dog Annie failure I felt like a tortured failure. leahsfamily

October 2013, Carl, Mack and Leah McCullough with our dog Annie.  We are certainly not as perfect as we look in this picture, but we sure are happy!